Lem's Life: 24 Hours of Hell
by Iain Boulton
Summary: The third Lem's Life story offers something a little different. There are 24 chapters covering 1 hour each of the 24 hour day Lem T. Lemming is about to endure starting at 1pm. Stupidity, madness, threats, action and Dipsy all come into play with interrup
1. 1pm to 2pm

LEM'S LIFE - 24 Hours of Hell  
  
The following will take place between 1pm and 2pm on the day something really strange and really stupid will happen to Lem's Coffee Shoppe.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
It was the start of another day for Lem T. Lemming and his Coffee Shoppee. The shop has now been rebuilt for the third time following the incidents of Night Shift Party People and people are back to their normal jobs in the grand old city of animation and anime. It was 1:01pm and Lem entered his shop ready for another stressful day.  
  
" Hey Lem," said Clem walking into the coffee shop, it was nearly time for opening. Clem jumped over the counter where Lem was reading the newspaper.  
  
" Morning Clem," said Lem turning the page of the newspaper.  
  
" Where's Ken and Dips?"  
  
" Dipsy is starting the stoves up in the kitchen ready for toasted sandwiches and Kenny is fixing the machines."  
  
" Hmmp!" Kenny waved his head popping out from under the counter.  
  
He went back under. Suddenly, Excel (naturally from Excel Saga) smashed herself through the shop window landing on a table.  
  
" HUH?" asked Lem confused.  
  
William Collins and Rally Vincent, anime police, stormed in and arrested Excel. Rally pinned her down while William put on some handcuffs.  
  
" Excel, your under arrest for using drugs to make your madness even more mad!" cried William. He looked up at Lem and Clem. " Good morning guys."  
  
" Morning detective asshole," said Lem. " What's wrong in the world of Anime?"  
  
" Nothing much, busted Excel here for." He took out a packet of white powder. The packet was fairly large in the shape of a parcel. ".Going mental off this. We're sending her to a 'being mad on your own accord' asylum."  
  
" Brilliant work asshole, now either buy something or get out," said Lem politely.  
  
" We'll be gone.. damn it.I need to get the car. While me and Rally go lock this crazy gal away could you look after this parcel of drugs?" William put the parcel on the counter. " Be careful.it's crack."  
  
" 5 dollar parcel watching fee," said Clem. Lem looked at him. " We're broke aren't we?"  
  
" Here's fifty," said William putting money on the counter. " And you can keep all of it, we're really in a rush. We'll be back shortly! Come on Excel." He, Excel and Rally got up and left the shop. Lem passed the parcel to Clem.  
  
" Deal with that, I'll deal with the money," said Lem opening the till and putting the money in. Clem rang the bell; Dipsy wearing a chef's hat and apron came out.  
  
" Eh-oh!" Dipsy sang. " Put this in the back and don't eat." Said Clem handing Dipsy the parcel. Dipsy looked at it.  
  
" Oooh.sugar!" Dipsy cried.  
  
" Oh Dipsy, when everything is ready, get the sugar pots filled please." Clem remembered.  
  
" Eh-oh!" cried Dipsy running into the back. Clem and Lem nodded.  
  
" That was a profitable business deal." said Lem.  
  
".that calls for a victory pipe smoke," said Clem taking out his pipe and starting to smoke. Ryoko walked into the shop.  
  
" Morning guys," said Ryoko smiling.  
  
" Morning Ryoko," said Lem back. " And how can we make your day a happy one?"  
  
" Eh?" asked Ryoko.  
  
" What do you want?" groaned Lem.  
  
" Quick cup of coffee, milk, sugar," said Ryoko. Lem nodded.  
  
" Kenny, one cup of coffee with milk," said Lem.  
  
Kenny popped up from under the counter and put a mug of coffee on the counter. He took out a bottle of milk and poured some into the coffee. Lem paused.  
  
" Sugar?" asked Lem.  
  
" H hmp kmph." Shrugged Kenny. Lem rolled his eyes.  
  
" Dipsy, I want some sugar!" shouted Lem. Dipsy came out with a pot of sugar and a spoon.  
  
" How many spoonfuls?" asked Lem to Ryoko.  
  
" One big one," said Ryoko. Dipsy dug the spoon into the sugar, pulled it out and put it into the coffee. The sugar seemed powdery.  
  
" Sugar's powdery today," said Ryoko taking the spoon and stirring the coffee.  
  
" Yeah, well because of budget we had to get cheapo sugar," said Lem nodded. Ryoko shrugged.  
  
" Guess so," said Ryoko. She drank a little from the coffee and paused. She cringed and shook her head madly. " A little odd today."  
  
" Odd?" asked Lem.  
  
" Yeah, it's got that strong taste as usual but soon drops a fizzy feeling into your brain."  
  
" Really.Kenny, what brand is that?"  
  
" F-gmph commp!" Kenny cried with delight.  
  
" No wonder it tastes like crap."  
  
" Oh no, it doesn't," said Ryoko taking another sip. She cringed quickly and started drinking the rest down fast. " Oh that's good.yummy." She finished. ".can I have another please?" Lem raised his eyebrows.  
  
" With milk and sugar?" asked Lem confused. Ryoko nodded. " Alright." Kenny put another mug and added the milk while Dipsy added the sugar.  
  
" Thanks!" Ryoko cried taking the mug and downing the whole contents within seconds. She put it on the counter, took out some money and dumped it on the counter. " There you go.have a fun day." She stumbled back and fourth out of the shop in some sort of daze. " I'm flying!"  
  
" What the fuck is wrong with that one today?" asked Lem disturbed. Clem looked at the money on the counter. He dropped his jaw.  
  
" Hey Lem.she left 100 bucks."  
  
" WHAT?" screamed Lem. He counted the money on the counter. " 100 bucks alright.what was so damn special about that coffee?"  
  
" I dunno, but she liked it," said Clem.  
  
" Your right on that, well done people.this calls for a coffee. No milk or sugar please."  
  
" Hmp," said Kenny putting a cup on the counter. Lem took it.  
  
" Let's see how lovely that coffee was then." He drank it and spat it out on Dipsy.  
  
"..SHIT THAT IS AWFUL COFFEE!"  
  
" Let me.." said Clem taking the cup. He drank and spat it out on Dipsy like Lem. " Damn your right.that coffee is god awful."  
  
" Hmp?" asked Kenny holding his hand out. Kenny was given the cup and he drank it. He spat it out and threw the cup over Dipsy. " FMPH!"  
  
" Dipsy covered in spit," Dipsy giggled.  
  
" Go get cleaned dumb ass," said Lem pushing Dipsy back into the kitchen. Lem shook his head.  
  
" Was Ryoko high or something? Because that was the most awful cup of coffee I ever tasted." Lem said spitting whatever he had left of the coffee in his mouth out. He looked at Kenny. " The machine isn't fixed is it?" Kenny shook his head. " Alright.fix it. That might be the reason why this coffee tastes like the rotting flesh of Hyatt."  
  
" Hmpy!" Kenny dived under the counter.  
  
" That reminds me." Clem added.  
  
" What?"  
  
" It's nearly 2pm! Since it's 1:59pm.it's the lunchtime rush."  
  
" Oh joy, we're going to have high customers aren't we?" asked Lem. " It's obvious the dipshit.Dipsy.put the crack in the coffee."  
  
" So are we going to start selling coffee?" asked Clem.  
  
" Hell yes!" Cried Lem. Homer Simpson came in.  
  
" One big pot of sugar please!!" cried Homer rubbing his hands. Lem passed him the pot and Homer downed it. " Mmmm.sugary powder." His pupils dilated. ".heh heh heh..mmmmm.heh heh!"  
  
* * * * * * * MEANWHILE  
  
Right now..something big and stupid to about to accrue in the animated world. This fan fiction writer is going to go too far with this stupid stunt. Oh well, I apologise for this. I'm federal agent Jack Bauer and right now..I'm having a coffee break while on my way to a Nuclear Power Plant in Springfield who are reporting a nuclear holocaust. I have a bad feeling that this will be a very long day.  
  
1:59:58  
  
1:59:59  
  
2:00:00 - TO BE CONTINUED 


	2. 2pm to 3pm

The following will take place between 2pm and 3pm on the day Washu discovers Lem T Lemming is up to something at the coffee Shoppee.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
The Lunchtime Coffee Shop rush was in full swing and anime and animated characters were having a blast drinking coffee. But for all those who took the sugar that Lem used from Excel's drug parcel, the results are insane. At 2:05pm, Washu - the 2nd in command of Lem's Coffee Shop entered the shop to witness an alarming change in her customers. They were all doped up and scattered around the shop.  
  
Homer Simpson laid on the counter drooling white goo from his mouth gargling. Guts and Caska from the band of the hawk were prancing around like ballerinas. Gendo was telling everyone how much he regretted trying to destroy the world just for the sole reason of trying to find his dead wife. Well, at least he could have asked a psychic to speak to her. With such examples, the chaos seemed to have begun.  
  
" What in the name of everything that makes sense is going on here?" cried Washu scared seeing the sight of the lunchtime rush of customers to the coffee shop. Lem grabbed her and pulled her into the kitchen. " Lem! Oh you better have a damn good reason for this."  
  
" I do, I do! Believe me Washu," said Lem.  
  
" I'm listening," said Washu folding her arms.  
  
" William Collins, he busted an anime character for using cocaine."  
  
".Ah ha."  
  
" But he handed me the cocaine to look after.then I handed it to Clem who I asked to look after it. He gave it to Dipsy.."  
  
".Go on."  
  
".Dipsy accidentally mistook the cocaine for sugar and put it in the sugar pots. Now the majority of our customers have sugar with their coffees, therefore put cocaine into coffee, stir it around, drink, you'll be high within minutes."  
  
" Lem! If Collins finds out about this, we're all screwed!" Washu snarled grabbing him.  
  
" Yeah I know.. but look on the bright side.. we're making money!"  
  
" What?"  
  
" MONEY! THE GREEN STUFF, IT GROWS ON TREES IN DREAMS, MAKES THE ANIMATION BUISNESS DREAM COME TRUE." He shook Washu. " WE'RE MAKING PROFITS!"  
  
" You're joking!"  
  
" I AM NOT!" exclaimed Lem. " We made a total of..Clem."  
  
" So far according to our accounts.$2,500 so far TODAY!"  
  
" Holy sh-,"  
  
" Exactly Washu," said Lem. " Sure, those idiots out there are act like jackasses and pretend to be ballerinas, but that's a result of us making money!"  
  
" It's brilliant, you're saying that Dipsy did this?"  
  
" He did! But by accident."  
  
" I could kiss him," smiled Washu.  
  
" Why kiss a Teletubby while you can kiss the guy who decided not to stop serving customers."  
  
".If we hit 7,500, I'll kiss you!"  
  
" YES!" shouted Lem. He paused. " Wait.why would I want a kiss when we've hated one another for the past several months."  
  
" I dunno.maybe luck's changing."  
  
" This is flukes, not lucks."  
  
" Hey Lem.telephone call for you," said Clem passing Lem the phone.  
  
" Excuse me partner." said Lem.  
  
".We're partner's again?"  
  
" We do own this place don't we?" smiled Lem. He answered the phone. " Lem T. Lemming here.."  
  
* * * * * * Meanwhile - it is 2:24pm - William Collins has rung the shop  
  
" Hi Lem." William responded. " .I'm on my way over to pick up the drugs I left with you."  
  
* * * * * * " ACK!" squealed Lem quickly. Washu raised an eyebrow. " Oh.really?"  
  
* * * * * * " Yeah, really," said William. " I'll be down in around ten, twenty minutes." * * * * * *  
  
" O-o-ok," said Lem putting the phone down looking deflated. He took a long pause.  
  
" What is it?" asked Washu. Lem looked at his watch. It was 2:35pm  
  
" Collins wants the drugs back!" He spluttered. " WE'RE SCREWED! WE'RE ALL GOING TO JAIL!"  
  
" WE? YOU'RE THE IDIOT YOU SAID KEEP THE CRACK IN THE DRUGS!"  
  
" BUT IT WAS DIPSY WHO DID THE ACCIDENT!" screamed Lem. He turned angrily to Clem. "WHERE IS THE DAMN DIPSHIT?!"  
  
" Serving customers why?" asked Clem.  
  
" HE MUST DIE!" Lem screamed running past Clem into the shop floor. " DIPSY!"  
  
" Dipsy over here," cried Dipsy waving as he was sitting next to a drugged Goku and Vegeta who were playing tag while sitting.  
  
" YOU PIECE OF SH-" Lem charged and tripped up on something. He got up pulling Belldandy and Keiichi up. " WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE! I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE, YOU DON'T MAKE OUT IN MY STORE!"  
  
" But we being intimate." Belldandy said dreamily under the drug influence. Lem growled throwing them into the wall next to him. He continued marching towards Dipsy when Guts interrupted him in his ballerina costume. A pink tutu and a plastic gold crown were the only things this idiot was wearing.  
  
" Hello, would you like to see do Swan Lake?" asked Guts goofily.  
  
" NO! I DO NOT!"  
  
" Oh, it will be fun, Caska agreed to play the plum princesses."  
  
" BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU DOPED UP PIECES OF SHIT.I COULD GO TO JAIL!"  
  
" What? You get go there?"  
  
" NO YOU TIT!" screamed Lem kicking Guts in the crotch. Guts squealed and collapsed. Lem charged over to the table, grabbed Dipsy and dragged him back into the kitchen. He closed the door.  
  
" Did Dipsy do wrong?"  
  
" No Dipsy didn't do anything wrong.he's just managed to make Lem look like a FRICKING DRUG DEALER!" Lem screamed. He picked up a frying pan and smacked Dipsy across the face.  
  
" Lem! Stop it!" cried Washu as Lem repeatedly smacked Dipsy. " We're all in this mess..well.except for me of course.but still! I'm sure everything will turn out alright, if you just tell William it was an accident."  
  
" She's got a point," said Clem. Kenny nodded.  
  
" Guess so." said Lem starting to calm down.  
  
" As long as anyone doesn't mention the fact that we agreed.well...you lot.agreed to put the dope in the coffee."  
  
" Agreed," said Lem. At 2:45pm, the group were interrupted by a smash. The door was smashed open with Homer and Gendo standing there with their arms around one another. Both seemed to be very high.  
  
" Let me tell you." Homer started. " That we're getting married."  
  
" Yes.I've got a divorce for Yui. She wants to marry Fuyustki.heh.she wants to marry my best friend." Gendo dribbled, his glasses on upside down.  
  
" Heh.friend." giggled Homer. The two fell on their faces in front of the group.  
  
" We better come up with something fast!" Lem added staring at Homer and Gendo. He started to push them out; it took around five minutes leaving the clock at 2:50pm  
  
" I got it! Let's say we thought it was the sparkling magic dust of coffee that allowed our customers to vision strange things and make them act like doped up people!" declared Clem.  
  
" BRILIANT!" screamed Lem. " That's a smashing idea."  
  
" Really?" asked Clem at his own stupid idea.  
  
" OF COURSE NOT! William is not going to believe that."  
  
" Speaking of William." coughed Washu turning away.  
  
" What about William?"  
  
" Hi Lem," William waved coming through the door. " I noticed the party going on in the shop, is there a celebration going on in there?"  
  
" Oh dear god, it's 2:59pm!" cried Clem.  
  
" What a quick hour," replied Lem.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * MEANWHILE - Springfield Nuclear Power Plant  
  
" I'm federal agent Jack Bauer Mr Burns and I've come to inspect your Nuclear power plant."  
  
" Nuclear power plant?" screamed Mr Burns. " What for?"  
  
" I believe that terrorists will plan to blow up this power plant for no such reason as to continue this mockery of 24!" cried Jack Bauer. " Now are you going to let me into your plant? Or do I have to get my hacksaw."  
  
" NO! NOT THE HACKSAW!" cried Burns. He pressed a button. " Smithers! Lead Mr Bauer to the safety room where Homer Simpson is suppose to work!"  
  
" Of course Mr Burns, follow me Mr Bauer." Cried Smithers running into Burn's office, grabbing Jack and running towards the safety room.  
  
" I hope we're not too late!" cried Jack. The doors opened and the two stepped in. The plant was facing nuclear meltdown. Sirens were going off with spray painted words A and a cross on the wall. " Where's the safety inspector?"  
  
" He's on a coffee break I guess," Smithers replied.  
  
MELTDOWN TO OCCUR IN LESS THAN 20 SECONDS  
  
" OH MY GOD! IT'S GOING TO BLOW! AT THIS LAST MINUTE OF THE HOUR!" screamed Smithers. " I CAN'T DIE! I HAVEN'T TOLD MR BURNS I'M GAY!!!!"  
  
" Relax gay man," cried Jack. " Just tell me you have expendable people."  
  
" Of course we do.Lenny! Carl!" shouted Smithers. The two loveable workers of the power plant walked into the room.  
  
" You rang Mr Smithers??" asked Carl.  
  
" I want you to die to prevent this power plant blowing up." Shouted Bauer.  
  
" Why? My horoscope told me I was going to die with the one I truly care about," Lenny cried.  
  
" My one said the same thing!" cried Carl.  
  
" We have so much in common!" Lenny happily declared.  
  
CORE MELTDOWN TO OCCUR IN 10 SECONDS  
  
" Yes.well.the plot's already too confusing! I must dash!" screamed Jack running off down the corridor. " IT'S STARTING TO BECOME A LONG DAY!"  
  
" Well Lenny and Carl, you can expect a promotion when you die." Said Smithers walking out of the room and locking the doors. " See.that's weird," Lenny spoke a little confused. " I thought if you die you couldn't get a promotion."  
  
" Yeah. Maybe ghosts have careers now," Carl replied.  
  
CORE MELTDOWN OCCURING. KISS YOUR ASS GOODBYE IN 5 SECONDS  
  
" PROMOTION!" Carl and Lenny screamed together happily.  
  
2:59:58  
  
2:59:59  
  
3:00:00  
  
KA-BOOM 


	3. 3pm to 4pm

The following will take place between 3pm and 4pm on the day William Collins from the Anime Police finds out what a stupid shit he is.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was 3:01pm, The Nuclear power plant explosion rocked the city but since Lenny and Carl were holding the explosion back by throwing themselves into it, the explosion wasn't that great. There was the odd mushroom cloud in the sky but apart from that, everything was okay. Well, apart from the dead bodies of Lenny and Carl.  
  
William Collins who had arrived at Lem's drugged up customer coffee shop for the drugs he took off Excel this morning heard the rumble of the explosion. He looked around slightly confused.  
  
" Did you hear an explosion?" asked William looking around.  
  
" No," everyone else in the kitchen replied.  
  
" Oh good.just me.. so what's going on here Lem?" asked William still unaware of the effect of drugs on people.  
  
" Yes." said Lem thinking. " It's a festival to.err.remember.the.day.heh.."  
  
"..Remember the day anime characters were allowed to express their sexuality." Clem blurted.  
  
" Yes.." Lem paused. ".WHAT?"  
  
" Really?" asked William. " I forgot about that."  
  
" Of course you did." Clem tried to continue. "..you were.um.a wee baby when the characters started to express feelings. And by the time you were a big strapping lad like you are today.the day was forgotten.like that.."  
  
".ARE YOU HIGH?" screamed Lem. Washu covered his mouth quickly stamping on his foot. Lem mumbled in pain.  
  
" Speaking of high.where's that parcel of drugs I asked you to keep watch on?"  
  
" Oh that." Washu smiled. ".We've kept it in a safe place."  
  
" Really? Where's that?"  
  
" Somewhere where no one can see it."  
  
" Oh cool! You got an invisible safe?"  
  
" No." Washu rolled her eyes up.  
  
" Never mind, can I have the drugs now?" asked William.  
  
" No." Lem butted in.  
  
" Why?"  
  
" I can explain." Lem squeaked. He pushed Washu off him. ".William.I can explain everything."  
  
".Um.sure."  
  
" I gave it my good buddy Clem."  
  
" Hi," Clem waved.  
  
". Who gave it to this idiot Dipsy."  
  
" Eh-oh," Dipsy waved. William seemed confused.  
  
".Who thought it was sugar and put it in the sugar pots therefore.all customers who have had coffee with sugar have become high."  
  
" That's a funny story Lem.but um.can I have the parcel now?"  
  
" Sure!" Lem added smiling strangely. " I put it in my car, let us all except for William go and get it."  
  
" All of us?" asked Washu. He pinched her bottom. She yelped. Lem gave her a stern look. " Oh.oh! Right.yeah.come on guys let's all get those drugs for William.Will help yourself to some coffee and muffins and we'll be right back."  
  
" Ok," William added looking around. Lem, Washu, Clem, Kenny and Dipsy quickly hurried out of the door. Lem and Washu got caught in the door together.  
  
" STOP PUSHING!" shouted Lem trying to move.  
  
" MOVE YOUR ASS TUBBY!"  
  
" TUBBY!" cried Lem. " That was a low blow." Clem pushed Lem and Washu through the door. William picked up a muffin and started eating.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
It was 3:30 pm - Lem and the gang ran towards Lem's red car parked outside at the back of the coffee shop. Clem and Kenny dived through the windows into the backseats. Dipsy jumped around the car while Washu and Lem got into the front of the car, Lem sat himself behind the wheel and turned on the car. Everyone was ready to drive off but Dipsy was still prattling around by dancing around the car. Lem rolled the window down.  
  
" What are you doing?" asked Lem distraught.  
  
" Dipsy jumping for fun," Dipsy cried happily.  
  
" NOT NOW!" shouted Lem. " Get in the car!"  
  
" Dipsy quite happy jumping," Dipsy continued.  
  
Lem growled and got out of the car. He walked over to Dipsy, grabbed him and threw him against the car. Dipsy smacked head first into the metal of the car and fell over backwards. Quickly, Lem dragged him around to the back of the car and stuffed him in the boot. He then headed back to the driving wheel and sat back in the car.  
  
" Hurry! He's going to get suspicious," Washu cried.  
  
" Don't hurry me!" Lem cried turning on the car. He put the car into gear and drove off quickly.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
" Good muffin," William added finishing his muffin.  
  
He stood there in the kitchen whistling. After a short while, he looked at his watch. He had been there for twenty minutes and it was 3:40pm. William shrugged and continued to whistle.  
  
" William!" Rally cried walking into the kitchen. " Have you got those drugs yet?"  
  
" Nope, Lem's saying he's going to get them for me, they're in his car."  
  
" William.I don't know how to say this but..I think Lem's done a runner."  
  
" Done a what?"  
  
" Look," Rally picked up Jet Black off the floor with candle wax around his mouth. He was drooling.  
  
" Hello police officers..I use to be a police officer.then I lost my arm and I spend all day talking to the world's smartest welsh-corgi..his name is Spike and he lent his space ship to a dog!" Jet spoke clearly drugged. Rally dropped him.  
  
" Lem's dealt the drugs out to his customers!"  
  
" No he hasn't, he said that he left the drugs in his car!"  
  
" I don't think so.look for Christ's sake!" Rally screamed picking up Rei off the floor.  
  
" Hi, I'm Rei Ayanami, how's it hanging!" Rei cried happily.  
  
" OH DEAR GOD SHE TALKS!" William screamed. " She's had drugs!"  
  
" No silly.I just had a cup of coffee.." Rei giggled. Asuka staggered into the room.  
  
" Ah there you are cutie," Asuka grinned. Asuka dragged Rei back into the mad drugged coffee shop. Suddenly William's brain clicked and a thought entered his brain.  
  
*All customers who have had coffee with sugar have become high*  
  
William remembered this phrase Lem told him earlier. William stood there thinking.  
  
*All customers who have had coffee with sugar have become high*  
  
William stood there still.  
  
* Jesus Christ..ALL THE CUSTOMERS WHO HAVE HAD COFFEE WITH SUGAR HAVE BECOME HIGH! *  
  
Rally stared at him waiting for an answer. William couldn't put it into words.  
  
* AHHHHH! CAN'T YOU FIGURE IT OUT? LEM HAS PUT THE COCAINE IN THE COFFEE! HE'S GETTING AWAY YOU FUCKING DUMBASS! *  
  
" Oh dear god," William realized. " Lem's given the customers the drugs."  
  
" Finally you figure something out!" Rally cried. " I'll put out a message to all police and bounty hunters that we're looking for him."  
  
" All those customers.." William continued. ".Doped up...damn.."  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
" Um Lem." Clem spoke while Lem was driving recklessly down the road heading towards the main crossroad section that linked Disney, Warner Brothers, Anime and Fox animation in one unique cross road allowing easy access. It was 3:55pm.  
  
".Where are we heading?" asked Washu.  
  
" Hmph!" added Kenny curiously.  
  
" I haven't figured that part out yet," Lem replied. " Maybe Rio!"  
  
" Rio does not exist in this world."  
  
" Of course it does."  
  
" No it doesn't."  
  
" SHUT UP!" shouted Washu. " The problem at the moment is that were guilty of distributing drugs! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?"  
  
" I dunno! I dunno!" cried Lem. He noticed someone along the road. " Hold on, I'm going to ask this man for directions."  
  
" Who?" asked Clem and Washu together.  
  
" This nice man." Lem stopped the car and opened the window. ".Greetings sir. Can you help us?"  
  
" I'm federal agent Jack Bauer," said the man. " Of course I can help you."  
  
" Um.Lem." whispered Clem. ".. A professional television actor plays that guy. Not a professional animated, anime, or fan fiction created character."  
  
" So?" asked Lem confused.  
  
" Um.he's a real life person?"  
  
" You're a ding bat." Lem replied. " Agent Bauer, we were looking for a nearest exit out of town. Can you help us?"  
  
" Let me check my watch," said Jack. " It's 3:57pm and I've already had to stop a nuclear holocaust happening in Springfield."  
  
" Eep." Lem squeaked.  
  
" I've been going since 1pm so I'm sure I'll be able to help you. I've dealt with a lot today."  
  
" Doesn't something usually happen about 3:59pm?" asked Clem.  
  
" Why yes.anything happens at 59th minute of any hour."  
  
" Good because it's 3:59pm."  
  
Suddenly, Eva unit one fell into the road causing a massive crash. Shinji Ikari fell out of the pilot's cockpit and started screaming.  
  
" OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" screamed Shinji.  
  
" What's wrong? What's wrong?" asked Bauer running over failing his limbs.  
  
" I hit.I hit a space ship..it's in back of my Eva unit." cried Shinji. Jack and Shinji ran to the back of the Eva unit where they saw the dented remains of the swordfish there with the letters A and a cross painted in black on the paintwork.  
  
" OH SHIT!" screamed Bauer. He took out a phone. " God damnit! Get me Anime CTU headquarters! It's federal agent Jack Bauer here, there's been another incident today! Apart from the nuclear meltdown which I've stopped, Eva Unit One! I repeat Eva Unit One has crash-landed with the Swordfish. We're checking for survivors." Cried Jack opening the main hatch to the swordfish.  
  
" What the hell is going on?" screamed Lem.  
  
" I have no idea but this has been going on all fan fic." Sighed Washu.  
  
" What time is it?" asked Clem.  
  
" Still 3:59pm."  
  
" We got another 22 hours to go here."  
  
" Shit." The three of them replied.  
  
" Woof!" cried Ein popping his head out of the swordfish. He had been learning out to fly a spaceship from the Bebop.  
  
" OH MY GOD!" cried Bauer. " CTU HQ, I have found a dog! I have found a dog! Here. Its name is." He checked the collar of the Welsh corgi. ".Ein! That's got to have some specific relation to today's events. Check it please!!!!"  
  
" It's trying to say something," cried Shinji. Jack and Shinji leaned forward and Ein paused.  
  
" Woof!"  
  
"THIS DOESN'T SOUND GOOD AT ALL!" Jack screamed running to his car. He got in and started it and then reversed into Lem's car denting the front.  
  
" HEY!" shouted Lem.  
  
" I'M SORRY! I MUST SAVE THE WORLD FOR I AM THE BAUER!" screamed Jack Bauer driving off into the sunset down the road into Disney world.  
  
" Shit." Lem grumbled.  
  
" What does that mean then?" asked Washu looking at Lem.  
  
" The car's fucked up." Clem replied.  
  
" Yes. Yes it is." Lem added in a deadpan mood.  
  
" ANIME POLICE!" screamed Rally. A bunch of Springfield's finest officers surrounded the car and pointed their guns at Lem, Clem, Kenny and Washu. " YOUR ALL UNDER ARREST". Lem stared at Rally Vincent for a second. " I might know my guns in my bounty hunting escapades but I know a drug dealer when I see him."  
  
Lem hit his head on the steering wheel.  
  
" OH SH-'  
  
3:59.58  
  
3:59:59  
  
4:00:00 - To Be Continued 


End file.
